Peer Critic

In: Science

Submitted By Tashag
Words 409
Pages 2
Thank you for allowing me to read your essay. I feel that I know you after reading it, in fact I felt that we had sat down over a coffee and had a chat. I felt throughout reading it that you were exploring your personal experiences and what you had learnt about yourself through the years. I enjoyed your anecdotes that give strength to your reasons on why you feel this area of your work is a strength.

I enjoyed how you discussed your previous work career and all its perks and how this all lead from personal experience into a new career path for you. This showed how much passion really is important to you and something that should be valued in the care community.

I would like to note that I did not feel that I knew your personal strength until half way through the essay. I felt that you needed to identify this in your introduction . Maybe add it to your first statement: Making my career switch recently…that I possess strengths such as my passion for my work. Not sure how you would like to word it, just that it is needed in the introduction.

I feel you may also benefit from splitting your introduction around the area that you state : However, I never truly felt I had strength or ability in any of it. I feel that this could be your first paragraph, see how you feel I just think it will make it a stronger essay. It would need to be slightly re worded such as :
Working in corporate management I never felt like I had any strengths (i would leave out abilities).

I found your two references towards the end of the essay well thought out and relevant. But I would suggest cutting out part of the Curtis and Glacken reference. The most significant part of the reference is:
PHN’s job satisfaction is made up of their level of pay which rated 3rd behind autonomy and interaction respectively.
I would also suggest cutting out the line :
…, and I am pleased that I…...

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